Portal Envy

Portal 2 was released today, to wide fanfare and critical acclaim. And once again, we were reminded that people on the internet are entitled, whiny kids. Despite being the highest rated game so far on Metacritic, the user reviews were not so kind, and nerd rage manifested itself as hyperbolic garbage.

Now, I’m not saying Portal 2 is perfect. I’m not even saying it’s great! I’ve only played an hour so far, and my (so far great) experience with the game can’t speak for the whole thing. That would be pretty presumptuous. Some of these complaints, though… c’mon, guys.

Specifically, the rage-kids were bitching about three things:

  1. The length. This is one I can’t speak to, since like I said, I haven’t finished it. Both Kotaku and Rock Paper Shotgun said the campaign is in the 7-8 hour range on the low end, maybe 10 hours if you look for easter eggs, with another 5 hour co-op campaign on top of it. This is not in any way short, and no where near the “4 hour campaign” that people were spamming on reviews. Of course, I think people should stop worrying so much about the length and more about the quality. If actually were 4 hours, and those 4 hours were fantastic, shut up and appreciate it for what it is.
  2. The store. Apparently on the PC version, you can buy some downloadable content. It’s all cosmetic stuff, paint jobs for your co-op robots and things. Rage kids, seriously, you need to get over this. Games come with day-one DLC. That’s how the world works now. It helps developers pad their costs with extra revenue. Most of the time this content was worked on while the game was being pressed, so it’s not anything removed from the game. And in this case, it’s totally optional crap, from a developer known for supporting their games with free updates. They’ve been supporting Team Fortress 2 for five years. I think you can deal with not buying some optional paintjobs.
  3. The ARG. It was too hard and didn’t let them play as early as they wanted to. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Moving on! Stories.
  • Thupagangsta. Seriously, I had to make a point at the end of the fact that Telltale is developing eight games. The studio has about 140 people. Studios with 4 times that amount produce a game or two per year.
  • Sony discontinuing the PSP Go, if true, is completely unsurprising. I’m not even sure why they’d be so cagey about it. It wasn’t a sales success, we already know about the new handheld they have in the works, and downloadable titles are available on the regular PSP if you have a big enough memory stick. Just say flat-out that you’re letting your stock deplete while you focus your manufacturing plants on the NGP. No one would care. Heck, no one cares anyway, but at least you’d be open about it all.
  • My favorite part of this Sonic Generations trailer may be how Chubby Sonic looks like an old-school Disney character. He might as well be saying “Ooooh me, oh my!”
  • Can’t wait for W40KDoW2RTLS.
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