What follows is a partial transcript of my entirely made-up conversation with an anthropomorphized video game developer, compiled over the course of the last several months.
Rocksteady: Hey Steve, did you hear we’re making a sequel to Arkham Asylum?
Steve: Awesome! That’s a day-one purchase, no doubt.
Rocksteady: We’re adding some new features like an interrogation mode.
Steve: Great, sounds right up the alley for that game.
Rocksteady: And we’re getting a little more obscure with the Batman canon, bringing in Hugo Strange.
Steve: Yeah, I really liked the profiles from the first game, it showed a cool twist on–
Rocksteady: And Riddler is going to be much darker.
Steve: Oh, cool. Well, that makes sense, the whole milieu of this series is sort of a darkened version of the 90s cartoon.
Rocksteady: We’re adding a playable Robin too!
Steve: Wow, alright. He–
Rocksteady: And Catwoman!
Steve: Seems like a good fit. But uh–
Rocksteady: And Bane is a co-op character!
Steve: Are you guys actually getting any sleep?
Rocksteady: Sleep is for the weak, Steve! There’s no time with downloadable episodes coming!
Steve: Are you sure you’re not overextending yourself?
Rocksteady: Penguin! Talia! Mr. Freeze!
Steve: Hey, I’m glad you’re working so hard, but you kind of had me at “More Arkham Asylum.”
Rocksteady: 3D Support!
Steve: I don’t have a 3D TV, but awesome. Anyway, I’m really starting to get concerned that–
Rocksteady: Sweet-ass alternate costumes!
Steve: Okay, but the thing is, I’m getting worried about you trying so hard.
Rocksteady: New Game Plus!
Steve: Yeah, I–
Rocksteady: LOVE MEEEEEEEEE!
Anyway, Nintendo sort of snuck its Ambassador games up today, and despite the extremely tedious method to obtain them, they seem to work pretty well. I’ll save my thoughts on them, Madden, Summer Uprising, and The Baconing for tomorrow.
Getting busy, and it’s not even September yet.
- Empires & Allies had me idly clicking for a little while, but I hit that inevitable point that I couldn’t progress without paying or advertising to my friends. I might give Adventure World a shot too, but I get the feeling I’ll run into the exact same roadblock.
- In theory, an Uncharted reality show could be really cool. In practice, I’m not exactly optimistic.